How did you end up in Singapore?
I came here for the first time 10 years ago from Tokyo, because I wanted to get out of Japan. In Singapore I gave birth to my first son. I was very young at the time and I missed Poland, so I wanted to return to Europe thinking that being close to my aunt, my friends and my mum would make things easier. My husband is French so after months of my complaining we left Singapore for France. We returned to Europe in February, along with our 10-month-old baby. It was a real shock and after two weeks we decided to return to Singapore. It took us four years to do so… Finally we did and we have been living in Singapore for four years now.
What is so fascinating about Singapore that you decided to come back?
The weather, safety and comfort. It is warm throughout the whole year – my kids only have three pairs of shoes and their wardrobe can fit into two drawers.
Singapore is quite small and I don’t need a car to move around – public transport is excellent and the area is very safe, nice and clean.
People are also very friendly. Cultural differences are huge, naturally, but it is difficult to talk about them because after some time you stop thinking about them. I made a conscious decision to be here and I don’t think about how my life would be if I were living differently or somewhere else.
How have these three countries influenced your work?
I often paint Tokyo – it is very dear to my heart. However, my attitude towards this city was not always positive. Now, after many years, I know why I felt that way.
Why?
(Laughing) I rebelled against it and I always had to have my own will. When you land in Tokyo and no one speaks English, nothing is written in English and you walk into a store in order to buy some shampoo, for example, but you have no idea what you are looking at and the shop-assistant will not tell you what it is – you get really frustrated. This is how I reacted because I thought it should not be me who has to learn Japanese but them who should learn English. For two years I got angry in the same situations.
Until you finally learned Japanese?
No! (Laughing) I didn’t give in. I regret it of course, especially that all my friends were learning Japanese and I had a perfect opportunity to join them.
At that time I didn’t know that I would stay in Tokyo for two years. As a matter of fact, I went there only for six months and in the beginning I told myself there was no point in learning Japanese. Then came the next six months and after a year I was so fed up with having to learn Japanese that I decided I wouldn’t give in!
Let’s get back to your inspirations. What did Tokyo, Singapore and France give you? How did they change the way you look at the world?
These are three completely different experiences. Tokyo was lots of fun, while my first time in Singapore was about my pregnancy and my baby. In France I looked after my small children and I was completely immersed in family life. At that time I learned how to cook and I am very happy that I did it in France because it’s a food paradise!
If you’re asking how living abroad changed me, I would say it did it in many different ways. First of all, I have distanced myself towards culture – Polish food doesn’t taste as good as it did when I was living in Poland. Polish jokes or rude remarks don’t bother me anymore. I really like visiting Poland but I also like leaving the country.
I’m also more distanced towards family and human bonds. I don’t feel particularly attached to any specific country. I don’t expect people who become closer to me to be my friends forever and that I will be sad when they leave me.
In Singapore there are lots of expats – people come and go constantly. I can hear some friends of mine moaning about their friends leaving but I don’t relate to that anymore. I’m happy that people change their lives for the better. We’ll be in touch and it’s ok.
I’m not interested in expectations and dependencies. I’m happy with what I have “right here, right now” and I don’t make any plans. It’s better this way. Such interactions are more honest and friendly. There is a kind of relief and pure joy in that. Generally speaking, I’m not a very outgoing person and I don’t have many friends.
Does painting replace the lack of people around you? Or maybe it’s a guarantee of something certain in this constantly changing emigrant life?
I don’t know the answer to this question. I simply like working with my hands, creating things and being on my own.
My mom paints and I always liked to paint something myself when I was still living in Warsaw. Then, during the Tokyo-Singapore-France period, I didn’t paint at all and I ordered paintings from her. When she brought them from Poland and I varnished them holding a brush in my hand it hit me so strong that I decided to start painting as soon as my kids are older. And I did. I didn’t want to copy as I used to, though, and I started searching the Internet for some information about painting from the heart. This is how I found Vedic Art. It gave me a real push: I saw how others paint and there it was. I thought: “That’s easy. I just have to start and take it from there.”
Vedic Art is not about painting but painting was still what I was looking for. I just needed to be around people who paint with confidence and are happy with it. I took only one of three courses because I didn’t need more.
Do you listen to your heart and intuition while you paint?
I’m just starting to learn how to do it but my thoughts are so disorganised that I have to depend on my intuition (Laughing). I don’t have the technical knowledge – I try and test things. I also don’t have my own technique – when I like something about a painting and I want to use it in another one I always fail.
Who is your inspiration?
I follow many artists. Every painting has its own life and I cannot force anything upon it. I love Voka – I could watch him for hours and I’m very thankful that he releases videos on YouTube. I dream when I see him at work.
And what do you dream about?
To have such technique. (Laughing)
Does it mean that having no technique can limit one’s self-expression to some degree? Or is it fun to discover everything by yourself?
I’m not sure. I know that people who graduated from art schools and came to Vedic Art courses couldn’t express themselves from the heart and when they finally did they became very emotional.
When do you usually have the idea or feeling that “you have to paint”?
With me it’s a little bit mechanical because I only have one day a week when my boys are both at school all day. This is when I paint – then or the next week!
Do you make sketches then or do you keep all these thoughts, feelings and inspirations in your head?
No, I paint very fast, spontaneously and whatever I fell like. In the evening I can tell myself that I want to paint a naked girl but the next morning I feel like painting a city or something totally abstract. I know that a nude won’t come out right. I always lose with the painting. Sometimes I get angry and I talk to it. I paint what the painting “wants” – it teaches me patience.
I paint for a few hours. I think it only happened three times or so that I didn’t have time to finish a painting and it had to wait until next week. But in such situations I always find a quick solution. I just start doing anything, I give in to it and it always comes out right!
I once painted something I didn’t like and I couldn’t do anything with it. No matter what I did, it was never good enough. I don’t know why but I decided to put it up on my website anyway. It tuned out that my friends really liked this particular painting.
When they chose it I understood that this was a painting for them because we have completely different tastes.
It’s like you wrote on your website – “every painting is for someone in particular”?
I hope so! They are not for me – I part with them easily.
Official website of Kasia Pawlak: Paintings My Art | FB profile
Photo © from Kasia’s private archive.